lauren's journey

Hello friends and family I wanted to take a minute while I’m here at chemo to update you all on the status of everything.
Wow- I have SO MUCH to fill you in on so I am just going to jump right in. Since the last update I had been given a horrible report. On my checkup about a month and a half ago our wonderful Dr. pulled Andrew out of the room and told him I was in liver failure. She then proceeded to warn him that I would be in a lot of pain and that I had two days to two weeks to live at the most. She then sent us home to be with our kids and enjoy what time I had left.

Andrew came back in the room grieved over the news looking white as a sheet, and he proceeded to update me through broken cries. I remember sitting there in disbelief. Immediately I responded with a, “No- I don’t receive that.” Although the news was hard to hear and the pain I was feeling was real, I knew that God wasn’t finished.

We drove back home an hour through traffic, and the closer I got to home the more stubborn and resolved I became. As soon as I walked in my father in law and brother in laws greeted us and we began to worship and pray. I could barely stand and walk for five steps at that point without feeling like I was going to pass out, but in that moment this fight was stirring in me and strength rose up in me and I marched all over that living room singing and shouting the victory screaming like a fool! Through tears we all worshipped in that dark hour. We refused to mourn. I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me in that moment now is not the time for mourning or lamenting, but it is the time for rejoicing and celebrating the great victory of the Lord. Everyone was in agreement and we agreed with Heaven. In the weeks to come I had several moments where that word from the Holy Spirit was tested. Every two or three days I was being rushed into some ER because my body was so deficient of phosphorous and I had a few days in the hospital receiving a blood transfusion. My bilirubin had reached an all time high of 7.5 and every time I was in the hospital they were sending in these grief Dr.s and asking me those scary questions like, “do you want extraordinary measures to be taken to keep you alive if your body’s organs start to shut down?” It was scary and overwhelming.

One night the pain was so great, I laid in the bath tub weeping and crying out to God. Some times my prayer was just, “Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!!!!”
That night I felt like if I wanted to go He would have taken me home to Him. He sustained me through that night and every day after. He sustained me in the very face of death. I am weeping as I write this. I KNOW my father is GOOD! He will sustain you and hold you in the darkest moments. There is nothing we cannot face with Him. Whatever it is that has you crippled in fear- JESUS has OVERCOME it!!!!!!! I want everyone to know this God. I want to be alive to see many come to this revelation! To share my story and see the chains of fear broken off of many. To see the sick healed! To see the broken and hopeless filled with purpose and faith! I knew all along this battle of cancer was not about me, but it would release a ripple effect of faith! Supernatural faith!

Right now I want to pray over all of you who are reading-

Jesus,
You are the GREAT REDEEMER! You are the SUSTAINER of the weak! Right now I pray that the Holy Spirit would fill every reader with your hope and peace to face every fear! I speak healing over the sick! Bring healing to their bodies according to your word in Isaiah 53 it is your will! Jesus thank you for your great sacrifice! We will not cheapen it with our unbelief! Please deliver us from any unbelief that lingers in our life! You are greater than all things!!!!! Greater than cancer! Greater than diabetes! Greater than fibromyalgia! Greater than chronic arthritis! Greater than autoimmune diseases! Greater than infertility! Jesus heal the sick!!!!!! We join our faith together and we shout for your victory over sickness! Let every heart be stirred and shaken to believe for greater! Show us who You are God! We believe your word is true! Your word is infallible! You are the same God today yesterday and forever! We will stand in faith until the full manifestation of our miracles!
Thank you Jesus!!!!

 

Today y’all I’m feeling great- I drove myself to chemo- no longer in liver failure- my bilirubin is now 2.0!
I was able to buy my kids school clothes and supplies! I was able to drive them to school on their first day! I’m no longer using a wheelie chair at all! I am growing in strength everyday! I’m still believing and trusting God for a complete healing! I praise Him everyday for my victory in Him!

I’ve been singing this old hymn a lot lately-
“What can wash away my sins?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus!
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus!
Oh precious is the flow that makes me white as snow- no other fount I know- Nothing but the blood of Jesus!
It’s all about the blood of Jesus that was poured out for us! He is the answer to every problem! I put my faith in the blood of Jesus!
I love you all so much!

So I know it’s been a long time since I’ve given a personal update on my blog, but I’ve really not been able to emotionally handle an update.

Two nights ago I had a major breakthrough spiritually and emotionally. I was praying with my family and I felt a shift like fear was broken off of me and this new level of determination, and a new mantle of warfare was placed on me by the Lord. Ever since then I’ve been in a different stance- a more confident position. Even as I write this I’m getting chemo in the hospital and I feel the presence of the Lord radiating off my body.

As most of you know I am believing God for 100% restoration and healing in my body, especially a NEW LIVER. I need my bilyrmuben counts to go down fast in the name of Jesus!

Tomorrow I’m shaving the rest of my hair G.I. Jane style and getting fitted for a beautiful wig so I will post pictures soon.

This morning as my husband and I were driving to the hospital we were listening to praise music and I just felt like this was how we were to fight- with loud extravagant praise. I could just picture us in Gideon’s army surrounding the tent of the enemy in the middle of the night and releasing a wild song of praise bringing confusion into the enemies camp! So every time you pray for me just release a cry of praise to our GREAT POWERFUL and WORTHY GOD!!!!!

Today I was reading again in Psalms 118 and I’m going to write my own paraphrased version below so you can agree with me.

Psalm 118 Lauren’s translation:
Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is GOOD!!!
His MERCY it ENDURES FOREVER in every situation!
Let the Kuehn Home say, “His mercy endures forever!!!!”
Let America say, “His love endures forever!!!!”
Let the nations say, “His love endures forever!!!!”
I called upon my God in my great distress; THE Lord answered me and put me in a beautiful spacious place, THE Lord is on MY side; I WILL NOT FEAR!
What can cancer do to me?!?! THE Lord is for me- helping me; therefore I shall see the end of this cancer! Oh how much better it is to trust in THE Lord than man! It is so much better to trust in THE Lord than doctors or modern medicine.
The cancer surrounds me BUT IN THE NAME OF THE LORD I WILL DESTROY IT! It surrounds me, yes, it surely does. BUT in the NAME of THE LORD I will DESTROY IT!!!!! It surrounds me like a swarm of bees- but it is quenched like a fire! For in The NAME OF THE LORD I WILL DESTROY IT!!!!
You pushed me violently and I fell, But THE LORD Lifted me up again! THE LORD is my STRENGTH and my SONG! He has become my SALVATION! The voice of REJOICING and SALVATION Is in the home of the righteous.
The right hand of THE LORD moves VALIANTLY! The right hand of THE LORD is EXALTED!!!!!
I WILL NOT DIE, BUT LIVE, And declare the WORKS of MY VICTORIOUS GOD!
OPEN TO ME You gates of righteousness – I’m going to run through them!!! I Will shout praise from the depths of my heart! This is the gate of THE LORD through whom the righteous can run in! I will tear my heart shouting praise to your name for you have answered my cry and you are my SALVATION!!!!! The stone that was rejected by the builders has become the corner stone. My God did this and all his works are MARVELOUS. God gave us breathe and woke us up today! Let us rejoice in His glorious mercy on our lives! Now Lord I pray you save us! Send your prosperity to our family! Blessed is the man who comes and goes in the NAME of THE LORD! I send out blessings to all of you from the house of MY GOD! OUR GOD is THE LORD of ALL! HE has given us a great LIGHT that penetrates all darkness! YOU are forever MY GOD and Forever worthy of all the HIGHEST PRAISE! I give you thanks because YOUR LOVE has ENDURED and CHASED me through my darkest hours! Your MERCY never ends!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello friends,

As you all know last week I went back to the Cancer Treatment Center for another PET scan.  My cousin Miranda McCabe met me there in Georgia so I wouldn’t  have to go alone. After our three days together she wrote my next blog update about the results from the trip.  The following is her note to you:

This week was eye opening.  Lauren is a fighter in every sense of the word. She is so courageous, humble, kind, Giving and loves genuinely.  I don’t understand why this is happening, but she praises God despite the outcome and believes whole heartedly in what God has promised her.

Day 1-  I arrived to meet Lauren in Atlanta, and she is so freakin cute with her metallic backless loafers. She radiates joy and love in every area.  Wherever we go people recognized her, loved on her and remembered her!  The love of Jesus was gushing out of every pore that people at that treatment center were naturally drawn to her, and she was given so much favor!  Even the concierges at the hotel were so excited to see her!  We stayed up talking and she was describing how she is daily falling in love with the Bible.

Day 2-  We arrived at the hospital at 8AM to get her blood draw.  The vein was not cooperating and so the nurse had to poke multiple times on two different arms.  Y’all…. I hate me some needles!  I’m more of a baby watching Lauren endure this process than she is! The first vein wasn’t producing blood so the nurse asks to use the other arm and Lauren says with a smile on her face, “No problem!  Bring it on!”  Following this Lauren gets a PET scan.  Around 11AM we are done for the day and end up going to downtown Newnan where she proceeds to encourage me spiritually and mentally!  We walk around the square come across the cutest store know as, Greenhouse Mercantile, and run into these three woman that are locals.  Long story short these woman are Christians and start praying in the MIDDLE OF THE STORE for complete restoration of Lauren’s body.

We ended up staying in the store for 1.5 hours and we all develop a frienship.  THEN Kenya, the owner of the cutest store ever, makes an introduction to this other woman who recently found out she has cancer.  All of us end up going to dinner together with a few other additional women.  Now, Lauren has a support group every time she will go back to the Cancer Treatment Center!  God is so good!

Day 3 –  We get up and Lauren is praising Jesus despite whatever outcome from the PET scan.  That morning the doctor tells us that there is a tumor that has developed in her upper back by her shoulder blade, and the mass in her breast has gotten a little bigger. The doctor switched up the treatment because her body was building up a tolerance making her immune to Letrizol (a hormonal therapy chemo pill).  Lauren literally is so strong!  In that moment she is STILL SO POSITIVE, and faces this head on!

Lauren has taught me there is NO life in negativity.  Everything we go through Jesus knows.  You can’t compare yourself to others because everyone has a different purpose. Through all of this, Lauren has demonstrated a lifestyle of true faith!

I asked if she ever questioned God- why this was happening?

Lauren explained,” I don’t ask why.  I choose to trust Him.  Asking why doesn’t bring any peace or satisfaction, but knowing that He promised that He would deliver me is what I focus on.”

She went in more depth of the story of David and how we always look at the glorious end of his story, but David trusted God during the whole process of his life even the darkest hours- when he was running for his life or fighting with a lion or leading armies into battle!

This is real life.  This is Lauren’s story and God is doing crazy things through her for his kingdom.  This treatment center in Newnan, Georgia is for individuals who have stage IV or fatal types of cancer.  It would be so easy to get in a certain hopeless mindset, but Lauren sees healing and not death.  Restoration and not Destruction.  She is making that place greater and with every needle she takes another person is transformed by her perseverance and faith.  Even if it was the individual who is supposed to be her caretaker. 😉

💕💕💕💕- Miranda

PS- Everyone thought we were sisters and looked exactly a like- which is the greatest gift anyone could ever verbalized to me! #SheaHAWTMomma

Hello again friends! I’m once again on my way to Cancer Treatment Center in Georgia. I’m super excited because I know that God is healing my body 100%!!!!! I’m believing I’m going to be rolling out of there N.E.D. (No evidence of disease) AND NEW OVARIES!!!!!!!!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
COME ON JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just spent the last hour in the airport reflecting on this past March. Last March I was headed to cancer treatment center for the first time. I could barely handle all of the walking through the airports- I was in so much pain. Also, I had to have my mother in law carry my purse cause it hurt my back to hold anything.

Here I am one year later and it is taking everything in me not to jump out of my airplane seat and moonwalk down the aisle. I’m feeling so good! So pumped! I know I’m already a miracle!

Can I just say that no matter what the doctors say- I’ve already got the good news! The resurrection lives inside me- Jesus- quickening my mortal body!!!!!!! I’ve got the Holy Spirit who is the burning bush that Moses spoke to- the fire shut up in my bones that Jeremiah spoke about- burning up every single cancer cell and tumor left! In fact I declare even now as I write this that the Lord is knitting back together my insides and giving me new ovaries!!!!!!!!!

You may be wondering why I am so set on new ovaries- because the Lord told me that I would be restored 100% and everything that was stolen has to be returned better and more healthy than ever! When God speaks to you- hold on to His Word! You can trust Him! Don’t give up!

This week I’ve been studying the book of Daniel and I’ve been so blessed to study the life of a man who gave his life to prayer and fasting for his nation! While reading over the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego in Daniel chapter 3, I felt the Lord speak strait to my heart. They refused to bow down and worship the god’s that King Nebuchadnezzar had commanded them to. The King had ordered for them to be thrown into a fiery furnace and killed for their disobedience to his command.
In Daniel 3:17-18 These three men answer to King Nebuchadnezzar’s challenge to the God of Israel.
“If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand oh king.
But if not, let it be know to you, Oh king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image you have set up!”

When I read this I was blown away by the faith and complete trust of these men!
The story goes on to tell of the great miracle of the fourth man in the fire with them! This is Jesus in the flesh walking around in this furnace with Shadrach, Meahach, and Abed-Nego.

Many of you who have followed my story would agree that this past year has been like a fire filled furnace- but I can honestly tell you that the real Jesus has been with me every second and as I walk through this trial- everyone can see Him in here walking around with me!

The end of this testimony is so glorious in Daniel 3:26-29:
Then Nebuchadnezzar went near the mouth of the burning fiery furnace and spoke, saying, “Shadrach, Meshack, and Abed-Nego, servants of the Most High God, come out, and come here.” Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego came from the midst of the fire. And the satraps, administrators, governors, and the king’s counselors gathered together, and they saw these men whose bodies the fire had no power; the hair of their head was not singed nor were their garments affected, and the smell of fire was not on them.
Nebuchadnezzar spoke saying, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, who sent his Angel and delivered his servants who trusted in Him, and they have frustrated the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they should not serve nor worship any God but their own God! Therefor I make a decree that any people, nation, or language which speaks anything amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meahach, and Abed-Nego shall be cut into pieces, and their houses shall be made an ash heap; because there is no other God who can deliver like this.”

I believe that the Lord has allowed this fire in my life because he wants to show the nations the man Jesus that is with me. He wants to confound the Dr.s that have given me reports of no hope- He wants to show the American body of Christ that He is alive and HE IS A HEALER! Stage 4 cancer has to bow before Him!!!!!! I’m coming out of this fire with no smell of smoke! I will tell his story of healing in my life to all the Earth! He has been with me in fire! He is a good God! He has been faithful! He is powerful! He is EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

If you are fighting sickness in your body He can heal you right now! If you want to give your heart to this Jesus I’m telling you about- you can right now.
Pray this simple prayer right now.

Jesus,
I want You to have my life! Let it be said of me just like it was said of these three faithful men of God. Let my life trusting You shine like the brightest sun in the darkness. Free me from my sins and any sickness! Let my life be a testimony to the Kings of the nations! Let my life declare that you are a God who heals! You are a God who can redeem every life! You take me from the fire Lord! Thank you for your healing! Thank you for your freedom! Help me to understand your word and live by the the power of your Spirit for You all of the days of my life!
Amen!!!

Please continue to follow my story here and pray with me through this journey

I’m sitting here waiting on my flight home from Atlanta where I just underwent a PET scan and blood tests for a check up. On this trip my beautiful friend, Lindsey Pino, joined me. We decided to celebrate the whole time even before we heard any results from any tests- because God is good and we trust Him! We received a good report today from the PET scan- showing only one small tumor left on my left hip. Also, my blood work looked better than it has in a long time!

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve updated you all on my journey- so I’m going to back track a bit to fill you in on the last few months.

I’m still on my chemo treatment and my hormone suppression therapy. A couple months ago I decided to find a good naturopath and MD locally in Austin that I could go to in between appointments at the Cancer Treatment Center. He suggested that I have this special test run on my blood called a Greece Test. This test isolates the cancer stem cells from your blood and measures how many per volume of blood are circulating, and then they take these isolated cancer stem cells and put them in petri dishes and expose every available treatment to them natural, homeopathic, and chemo. They then measure the kill rate and chart it to give you a personalized treatment options from the cells from your blood. When I found out about the test I was so excited, and honestly I was expecting there to be a very low number of cancer cells if any. My faith was so expectant and full. Honestly I was hoping for this so that I could get off my chemo treatment which has been really affecting my energy and causing me pain in my body- not to mention a ton of other side effects that I deal with all day everyday. When I received the results I didn’t get the ones I wanted. I found out that I still have a high number of circulating stem cells. I also found out that I couldn’t get off chemo. My response was a totally broken heart. Through all of the bad news that I have received I have stayed strong emotionally- I have stayed in faith, but at that moment I was devastated. We also found out that I needed to add more treatments and therapies to what I am already doing. That meant more money that we don’t have. Andrew and I just wept together in the car drive home. We worked hard trying to keep it together, but the next few weeks were very hard emotionally. On top of everything I missed my late brother, Chase, so bad this holiday season I can barely breathe sometimes. We also received a massive bill in the mail which was another shock. I knew we had come so far from the brink of death, but at this point it felt like the enemy was just throwing everything at us that he could. We were so tired and overwhelmed. This whole fight has been crazy, and I don’t say all of this to pity myself- I just want to be real and tell you all the whole truth. During this time health was really affected from my emotional state and disappointment from that news. I had to call my mom to come help me with the kids. At thanksgiving we traveled to Dallas to be with friends and family- but I got strep throats and had to be taken to the ER twice in one week. When we got home from thanksgiving I decided that I had to push through this- I had to to get on the other side of my heart ache and disappointment. The next week I spent with my mom praying and worshiping through the confusion, through the pain. I still have questions with no answers, I still am grieving, but I know that this life is not about me- everything is for his glory and He will redeem ALL of this! I choose to trust Him in the confusion! I choose to believe He will provide for us! I choose to believe He is healing my body! I choose to worship the One who never changes! The One who is always worthy! I choose to be thankful even in this! I am thankful for this life, my family, my friends! Even now my heart wells up with joy because I know He loves me, and He has a plan for me- for a hope and a future!

Oh God you are so worthy of our lives!

I pray that this testimony would bring all who reads this to a place of trust. Trust in the hard moments. He is with you. He catches every tear. He feels that pain with you. He adores you and He is with you in this very moment! Open up your heart to Him! Don’t blame Him for the pain that you are in. We live in a world that has pain and we have an enemy that wants to steal, kill, and destroy. He is also the the great accuser. If you have any accusations that are kept in your heart- let go- lay them down. Allow God to cover everything with his grace. His blood is enough to wash away everything. Right now I release you to trust Him. Trust God with your heart, your dreams, your life, your kids. That load is too heavy for you to bear. Lay it down and let Him carry you! Let his Joy fill you up and give you strength to walk through this time. I promise you will not be disappointed!

Philippians 1:3-6 says:
“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it out on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus!”

I am CONFIDENT! He has your back! He will finish this work he started in your life! Let us stay joyful! Let us stay steadfast! Let us lean in to Him who we can trust! Let us stay grateful!

Oh my God, you are faithful to the very end! Oh God we trust You! We lay all our burdens on You for we know that you can take it! We are free now! Free from anxiety! Free from fear of the future! Free from false ideas and disillusionment! Right now, send a wave of breakthrough to your children! Let them feel the weight come off! This isn’t on us- it’s on You, and You are strong enough to take it! I worship You Jesus! I give You my heart let us be molded like clay to partner with You bringing Heaven to Earth! We love You and trust You! Thank You for the miracles everyday! Thank You for completing the work You started!

Thank you for following my story. Thank you for the prayers and support.

Please consider helping us financially by following the link below:

https://www.gofundme.com/love4lauren

“You have brought me up from the grave. You have kept me alive, so that I will not go down into the deep.”
Monday September 5, 2016

I’m flying back to Atlanta after a long break from being there. As you all know my last visit was in June and I had a good report that tumor markers are continuing to go down. I’ve been continuing my chemo treatment of Ibrance and Letrizol. I’m meeting with my while medical team tomorrow and getting the full work up – pet scan, ct scan, MRI. We are going to see everything that is left in there or not. Right now my emotions are kind of everywhere. I’m tired of coming here to be honest- tired of being away from my family for stuff like this, but I am trusting God.

I know what it is like to leave your family and face the scary stuff- the unknown. I know how to relate to people going through this or something similar. I know what it is like to be strapped in to an MRI praying to God that the tumors haven’t grown. I know what it’s like to cry in the radiation thing because your heart is so broken from missing your family. I know what it is like to cry out to the Lord in a hotel room by yourself asking for complete healing. So if any of you reading this are going through cancer or treatment or just medical problems- be encouraged. This is not the end of your story! Don’t give up in the middle of the fight. Don’t back down in the middle of the storm. I know that my God is healing my body. I trust Him with my family when I’m not there. I trust Him to deliver on his promises. He is faithful and true.
He is good. I will sing among the nations and tell of the healing power of my God! I will tell of his comfort in the darkest hours of my life. I will boast in his strength and not my own. Psalms 30 pretty much describes everything in thinking right now- I pray that all of you will be encouraged by reading this. I pray that all of us will lean into God during the struggle and not turn our hearts away from Him.

Prayer of Thanks
30 I will lift You up, O Lord, for You have lifted me up. You have not let those who hate me stand over me in joy. 2 O Lord my God, I cried to You for help and You healed me. 3 O Lord, You have brought me up from the grave. You have kept me alive, so that I will not go down into the deep. 4 Sing praise to the Lord, all you who belong to Him. Give thanks to His holy name. 5 For His anger lasts only a short time. But His favor is for life. Crying may last for a night, but joy comes with the new day.
6 As for me, when all was going well, I said, “I will never be moved.” 7 O Lord, by Your favor You have made my mountain stand strong. But when You hid Your face, I was troubled. 8 I cried to You, O Lord. I begged the Lord for loving-kindness. 9 What good will come from my blood, if I go down to the grave? Will the dust thank You? Will it tell how You are faithful?
10 Hear, O Lord. And show me loving-kindness. O Lord, be my Helper. 11 You have turned my crying into dancing.You have taken off my clothes made from hair, and dressed me with joy. 12 So my soul may sing praise to You, and not be quiet. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever.
I thank you all for praying and believing for complete healing! We won’t stop! No matter what the Doctors say! I will update you at the end of the week to let you know the results.

If any of you feel led to help out with the cost of any medical expenses you can follow the link below.

https://www.gofundme.com/love4lauren

Burn Plan B
I have taken a long break from writing, because I’ve been going through a lot of change. My family and I just moved into a new home in Austin, TX! I know this seems so crazy and off the wall, but the Lord confirmed to us through several things that we are to be there. We moved in just two weeks ago. The move went great and it felt almost supernaturally easy. We are already unpacked and settled in. Lily and Titus started at a new school and they are loving it. Aiden is in a preschool three days a week. We are currently working on getting a nanny helper to help me out throughout the week. I’ve already transferred my lifetime membership, and I’m continuing in my personal training. I’ve also joined a running club there. Every day I feel stronger and have more and more energy.

As I look back and reflect on all that this year has brought so far up to now I can honestly say that it has been a hard year. BUT in all of this- my diagnosis of stage four breast cancer- losing my brother- moving to new city to step out in the call of God on our lives whilst leaving my home church friends and family- we feel closer to the Lord than ever. We need Him more. Or maybe we are just more aware of our need.

Here in Austin we are partnering with a ministry school with some old friends of ours. The school is called Heart of David. Andrew and I have jumped right in, we are meeting with the team weekly, and planning on traveling to minister with the team this month and a lot in the future. We feel like we have stepped out upon the waters. We are in the center of his will. No longer living plan B for our lives. I want to encourage all of you who are reading this to seek God and ask Him truly- what is His will and purpose for your life? Seek Him and He will answer you- it could be something small and simple that He is asking you to do, or He may be calling you to step out and do something that seems crazy- like move to Austin. All I know is that my husband and I lived so long the plan B. Living just to stay comfortable. Living just to get by. Limiting ourselves- limiting God. He is calling us to more. A life of radical trust. One of my besties showed me this song and I believe the message of this song is so profound. The chorus is as follows:

“There’s a “yes” in our hearts and it carries through eternity. Simple obedience- it changes history!”

Simple obedience is all it takes- just saying yes to God! One yes can unleash a wave of miracles in your life- your families life- and throughout the nations. Let’s lean in to God! He love us! Say yes to the plan of God today! Just yes Lord! Remember that his plan for your life is not just about you-
There are so many people waiting for your break through! So many that will see miracles because of your obedience!

I want to pray over all of you now-

Oh God I speak over every heart a softening to your Holy Spirit! I declare that they would hear what you are speaking to them! That they would have clarity and confirmation on what you are calling them into! We release a wave of “YES”! A wave of radical trust! Radical obedience! Thank you for the people in our lives on the other side of this! I thank you for businesses that are starting, ministries that are starting, music being written, paintings being painted, books being written! Oh God we love You! We want Your Spirit poured out in our every day life! Let us live with such vision and passion and purpose! Even in the mundane release Your power in our lives!

In Jesus name amen!

If any of you feel led to help out with the cost of any medical expenses you can follow the link below.

https://www.gofundme.com/love4lauren

I lay a waist in the darkest night. Pain- unimaginable pain in the deepest places. Heart ache after disappointment rocking my earth underneath me. My heart is shattered as the earth opens up beneath me trying to take me under. It’s full force unleashed-I don’t have a grip – grief hits me with its full weight! I’m on my face, everything in me wants to give in to the darkness. Give in to the pain and let it all go. Stop fighting. The swirling thoughts of fear and death are all around me. Losing sight of who I am and where I am.

BUT out of no where- out from the midst of the chaos comes this soft cool breeze – just a small breathe. The breathe fills my nostrils smelling sweet, smelling real, smelling of life- it fills my lungs- hope pours in to my belly flowing out to my limbs, my brain begins to recognize what my soul is crying out.

You are not alone!
You are not alone!
Get up!
You are not alone!
Now I know I’ll live

I wait until the strength comes back to stand. My feet just barely holding me up, shaking, I take a step. Into the unknown- the uncharted. I don’t know how, but I keep moving forward. Its as if something is holding me up. As I continue my vision becomes clearer. Before me and all around me are people in pieces all over the ground. They are mangled without hope. The smell of death all around.

Again, the wind blows and with it a voice speaks and says- tell them to get up.
I turn around to find no one – who are you? I cry out into the black night.

The wind blows again circling me – speak to these bodies!

In fear I respond- What do I say?How do I do this?

Just open up your mouth and I will fill it.

Just then a rumbling in the depths of my soul- like a woman about to give birth- a cry erupts from my mouth-
Come alive! Come alive! You are not dead! Come Alive!

As I cry out the wind stirs blowing over every broken body- the bodies begin to move. The broken pieces coming back together. The torn flesh healing before my eyes. Life comes back into every single one. We all stand in complete awe as the voice in the wind begins to speak again.
I have raised you up from your barren dead, decaying place into new life! I have released you from imprisonment of fear and self hatred. I have given you a brand new name! I have put my spirit upon you! No longer will you be aquatinted with the dead! You are alive! Now, go awaken the rest!
As we go through this life we encounter so many trials. Things that hit us right in gut. It’s like the devil is playing really dirty hitting us below the belt where hurts the worst. He doesn’t care- there are no rules to him. He is just here to take you out!
1 Peter 5:8
Stay alert! Watch out! Your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

So many of us never allow the breathe of God to heal us of our hurts. We stay right there in pieces. We are still alive but our spirit stays there at the place of the attack mangled on the floor. We go through the motions of life. Angry and bitter, frustrated that no one understands. Everything around you begins to crumble. I know what you feel I’ve been through it time and time again.

But I stand here now crying out just like the story above! You are not dead! Get up! I speak to those dead places! I speak to that soul that laid down in anguish and grief! I say get up! Allow the voice in the wind to speak to your heart! Allow the voice of Jesus bring you back from death!
Isaiah 53:3-5
He was despised, and rejected by men; a man of suffering, and acquainted with disease. He was despised as one from whom men hide their face; and we didn’t respect him. Surely he has borne our sickness, and carried our suffering; yet we considered him plagued, struck by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought our peace was on him; and by his wounds we are healed.

He felt everything that we have felt- grief, heartache, rejection, physical and emotional pain. He took upon himself all sickness- all shame- everything- so that we would live and not die! So that we could withstand the attacks of the enemy! So that we could stand a great army and breathe on these slain so that they may live!

Ezekiel 37 tells of the vision God gave Ezekiel. He called to him and showed him a valley filled with very dry bones. He then spoke to Ezekiel and asked him a question- Can these bones live?
I feel like recently with everything I’ve been going through- fighting for my life- grieving the loss of my brother. The Lord has brought me to a place like Ezekiel. I can see the hurting and broken all around me. In the church and outside the church. I feel like God is asking us- Can these bones live? He’s asking us to speak over these bones to come alive! To become a great army. One who knows that their savior came and took upon himself all of their grief- all of their sickness. An army that lives to breathe on the slain. To awaken the others. We can’t live for ourselves any longer, ignoring the pain in our neighbors eyes! Right now I send out this cry- hoping that as you read this you would come alive- truly alive to who God says you are!
Isaiah 43:1-2
But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel, Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.

Your God is with you!
Deuteronomy 31:6
“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.”

Trusting In the Midst of Tragedy

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve updated everyone, but as you all probably know my family has been going through a great tragedy. Every time I go to write about it- it’s been too much, but now I feel it’s time.

My baby brother, Chase Dunlap, passed away in a tragic gun accident two weeks ago yesterday. He was only 28 years old- almost 29. Tragedy like this is unbearable and wrong on so many levels. Some of you may not know that Chase was one of my best friends. He was a rock in my life. He started the go fund me account the day he found out about my diagnosis, and he posted it every single day. He drove in from Austin immediately with my cousin Drew and sat at my bedside holding my hand. He would have given everything to see me free of this disease. He lived with my husband and my family for five years in Plano, TX. He moved in with us back in 2010 because he needed some help and a second chance; but he stayed with us so long to help us. He was everything to my husband and I. He was closer than a brother. He loved all of our kids as if they where his own. Every time I had a new born his favorite thing to do was hold them constantly. His heart was so huge for his family, for children, and for other people who needed a second chance at life. He knew the Lord in a way that some people go to church their whole life and never find. He was so free- no “religious spirit” on him at all. He loved people so much. His heart was not to judge but to love. He knew the power of second and third and fourth chances. I could go on and on about all the amazing things he did when no one was looking. He truly lived like Jesus- serving people behind the scenes never needing any recognition or praise.
This is the greatest legacy anyone could leave. The last text message I got from him the week he passed was this-

“Joel Osteen said that We should be thanking God in advance for what we are asking of Him. I have been saying all week Thank you Lord for healing my sister. Just thought that was a good word. Love you more than you could ever know.”

I can’t describe the pain of the loss that I have felt the past two weeks, but I don’t have to grieve with a broken heart forever. I know I will see him again! I know he is heaven with Jesus- more alive than ever. The day I received the news about Chase I was crying out to God- asking why? I don’t understand! How can I fight this without him! I need him Lord! And the Lord spoke so tenderly to my spirit in response- He said, ” The first thing Chase said to me was- ok God, what are we going to do about my sister?” I immediately started laughing and thanking God. I know Chase is now standing before the throne of God praising Him for my complete healing! I know he is basking in the glory of the Lord.

I want all of you that are following my story to press in to the real Jesus! Do you know him? The one who is the friend of sinners? The one who lived his life for others. Who loved “all in” just like my Chase. Serving when no one was watching. Always willing to believe the best and give you another shot.
I want to be more like Him. I also want all of you to have the hope in Jesus! This world is broken and there is such pain and sorrow. There is unimaginable grief. There is unjust evil that is wanting to destroy us. There are things that have happened to us that we did not deserve. There are things we have done that we wish we could erase. I want all of you to know that there is hope- there is freedom- there is heeling in Jesus. He is everything you need. Freedom from sin and shame. he is heeling for your soul- from the brokenness of your past. He is also healing in your body right now. Please give your life to Him. If you feel lost in this life- like you’ve made your life miserable- like no one else wants you. HE WANTS YOU. HE wants your life. He died for it. Just give your heart to Him. Ask Him to guide you. Open up your mouth and cry out to Him. In the middle of all your pain and sorrow- He will come to you. Just the fact that you are reading this right now and your heart is saying “this is me” is his divine drawing. He wants you!

I am going to pray over every heart reading this now-

Lord,
I don’t understand all of the pain and grief that these people are facing, but I know you do. I know you are waiting for them to give their hearts to you. I pray that as they read this they take the first step in giving their heart to You. God, release a wave of miracles in the earth! Bring freedom to these broken hearts! Healing to the bodies. We want all of you Jesus. We don’t want to put any boundaries on You! Move on us right now in the name of Jesus! We trust You! We know you will work all things together for the good of those who love you. Take all of these broken things in our lives and make them beautiful! Oh God- that you would use such a tragedy to bring others to freedom. This is what you want! This is what Chase would want! Thank you Lord! Make it happen! We trust You!
Amen.